Motoris Laetitia: Pope Francis 'develops' the traffic code

Traffic accidents are one of the most important causes of death in many countries.

After this morning's Mass at St. Marta's, someone Pope Francis calls 'God of suprises' persuaded the Pope to write an encyclical on 'motor vehicle collisions' (MVC). It went something like this:
"Jorge !... Jorge, wake up ! Why don't you write an encyclical on the traffic code, Heh? It would make you look good, no?"
So, the Pope sent an outline of the encyclical to Abp. Fernandez and to Fr. Spadaro and they started working on the new encyclical right away. [Cd. Kasper has no idea what's going on but he's ecstatic because, once the rumors swirling around drove the smoke of satan away from his flat, the media immediately flocked around him].

This outline was (vati)leaked by a certain italian vaticanista (first name starts with a S and ends with an O and the other letters in his name are ANDR) and given to me for publication since I'm a Pope-hater who has strayed, far, far away from the peripheries.

Without further ado, I give you Pope Francis' outline of Motoris Laetitia:


  1. We are not changing the traffic code, do you here me?

  2. The road code is the ideal that must be proposed by the DMV in all its beauty.

  3. Nevertheless, sometimes road signs are interpreted differently in different countries.

    Stop sign in germany/austria and stop sign in other countries.

  4. Traffic violations are increasing; in fact, there is an epidemic of car crashes.

  5. The DMV and the police department are to blame. They must start a process of self-criticism.

    They failed to convey all the beauty of the traffic code and instead relied on fines, prison sentences and the awful consequences of road accidents to force compliance.

    They have driven the worst offenders to the peripheries; these guys are literally running away from traffic cops.

    Driver running to the peripheries with pharisee police cars on his tale.

    Wouldn’t it be better if we could all get along?

  6. There are positive elements in car crashes and we must do all that is in our power to bring bad drivers back into the fold.

    Bad drivers look good - a positive element to consider

  7. This is all very complex and I don't do tune ups, nor do I change flat tires. I'm just going to give cops a set of criteria so that they can discern in each individual case how to proceed.

  8. Practical guidance:

    • References to good driving, bad driving and traffic violations will be banned from everyday conversation.

      We are all drivers trying to get to our destinations as fast as we can !

      No more dead ends

    • Second, I would like to remind y'all that, as St. Thomas Aquinas authoritatively states: "...whatever is in motion is put in motion by another..." [ST I, Q.2, Art. 3]

      So, I ask you: can we really issue traffic tickets for moving violations when the driver is not really responsible for his actions?

    • In regard to the increasing number of people who drive without a license, sometimes people violate the traffic code for good reason. For instances, in an emergency people break the speed limits.

      On the other hand, some people are socially, economically, psychologically forced to drive the wrong way.

      Others are biologically prone to U turning.

      So, from now on, those who do not have a driver’s license, run a red light, drive the wrong way or run-over a pedestrian in a crosswalk cannot simply be issued fines just like that (see Footnote 1).

      Two rigid, fundamentalist road signs.

      Are you getting all this, Tucho?

      [Note to Spadaro: this is a tough sell. Organize a workshop with SJ's so that they can start combing the previous magisterium for quotes that will somehow (even remotely) support this. If there aren't any, 'improvise' as usual...]

    • Traffic cops must also:

      • take into account all the circumstances of the accidents (i.e. drunk drivers are in no condition to understand and obey the intricacies of the road code or to deal with abstract concepts like 'straight lines');

        Cd. Levada, ex-prefect of the CDF, failed a geometry test...

      • consider the consequences of a fine or prison sentence on the driver’s life and family. If someone does not have a driver's licence, how is he/she supposed to drive his/her kids to school in time if we keep stopping him/her and issuing tickets?

        The Kennedy family and many pro-abort SJ’s would’ve been devastated had Ted been incarcerated after Chappaquiddick

        In fact, traffic cops are strongly discouraged from fining anybody (See Footnote 2)..
        ... just smile, wave and say ‘move along’, ‘move along’...

        The only mandatory road sign... for Priests.
        [Note: call Leonardo, António and all my other Hollywood buddies. They must be persuaded to replace the 'bad cop'/'good cop' movie scenes with 'good cop'/'good cop' scenes. That'll do it.]

  9. In the end, it’s the drivers themselves that must determine if a specific maneuver breaks the law and is liable for a fine or prison time.

    After all, we’re not here to drive people home but to teach them how to drive, no?

    Self-driving .... what could possibly go wrong?

  10. In the immortal words of St. Louis XIV, "L'église c'est moi".

Footnote 1: Traffic lights, prohibitory and mandatory road signs will be considered mere indications or warnings. They should be understood in a platonic sense.  

Footnote 2: The road code will no longer apply to people who drive without a license or to people who are especially prone to U-turning.

1 comentário:

Basto disse...

É uma excelente analogia João. Nós estamos a viver tempos loucos e, para falar a verdade, ao fim de três anos, já nada do que se passa na Igreja me surpreende a não ser o facto de continuar a ver toda a gente maravilhada com todas estas loucuras.